“Hello, friend. I’m Annie,”

“And I’m Bella!”

“And we live with Caitlin, David, and Alfie in a small attic apartment in Halifax. They adopted us from the PEI Humane Society. I remember when they came in, David said, “We’re just here to look.” Well, we didn’t listen to him. We were desperate to get out of there, so we tried to be as cute as possible to attract their attention. We curled up next to each other and made our best cute faces.”

“We looked way more adoptable than those two other kittens who were fighting and hissing, for sure!”

“Caitlin asked whether cats who came in together had to be adopted together. When the woman said no, she turned to David with a look of horror. “We can’t let that happen to these two! Look how much they love each other!” she said.”

“Our genius plan had worked! They were totally suckered! Little did they know we don’t even like each other that much!”

“I wouldn’t say that, Bella. I like you just fine, except when you pounce on me, or chase me up and down the stairs.”

“You make it sound like I’m always the one in the wrong! No fair! Older siblings are so annoying!”

“Whatever. Basically, we had them eating out of the palms of our paws. They signed the paperwork then and there, and we went home with them. Bella managed to keep her shy, meek kitten act up the whole 45-minute car ride. They actually thought she was the quiet one! Imagine!”

“Yeah, but then we got to the house where Caitlin and Dave were staying for the summer and there was so much room to run around, and a whole basket of toys, and things to climb on, and ornaments everywhere to knock over – it was SO MUCH FUN! There were these two other cats who I have to say could have been a bit more welcoming, but compared to the Humane Society, it was a hoot!”

“Personally, I was most taken by all of the warm places I could curl up and sleep, where I wouldn’t be trampled on by Bella running around like a hooligan. I also really liked the food. There was so much food. The older cats never seemed to finish theirs, so I got extra. I even worked out how to open the tin that their food was stored in. Every day was a feast!”

“What is it with your obsession with kibble, Annie? I mean, it’s all well and good, but seriously, you’ve got to branch out! You can’t just assume that things that don’t look like food aren’t food. I’m telling you – those plastic bags that David’s bread comes in? Scrummy! That silver tin-foil stuff that Caitlin kept putting around the legs of the table because she read somewhere that it would stop us scratching the furniture? Delicious!! The earplugs they use so we don’t wake them up at night? Yummy!!”

“Bella, this is seriously off topic. We’re supposed to be telling our life story.”

“Do we have to? I’ve been sat here too long. I’m bored. Can we do something else?”

“Okay, I’ll wrap up quickly. After that summer in PEI, we went on a giant road trip all the way across Canada. That was fun, we got to sleep on the back seat of the truck in the sun all day, and run around hotel rooms all night.”

“Oh yeah, I forgot about that. I did enjoy climbing all those net curtains.”

“Then we lived in Vancouver for a year, while Caitlin and Dave did this thing called university. They were gone a lot during the day, so we got up to all kinds of mischief. Then we drove all the way back to the East Coast.”

“That was the trip where we saw the moose!”

“That’s right! That was cool. Ever since then, we’ve lived in Halifax and things have been a bit less adventurous. We’re not allowed outside anymore because of this one time in Vancouver when Bella ran into the road. David and Caitlin seem to think we wouldn’t survive that long in a city. I’m sure I’d be fine, but I think they’re probably right about Bella.”

“Oi!”

“Things changed a bit last year, when Alfie came to live with us. At first, he was so small we thought he was an alien and were a bit afraid of him, but it turns out he’s a human. He doesn’t say much, but he can say both our names, and he likes to rest his head on our stomachs. He’s pretty nice really, although we don’t like it when he cries. Luckily, that’s not too often.”

“Are you done? I think I saw a bird outside! Can I go? Can I go? Can I go?”

“I suppose I am quite tired after all this talking and socializing. That’s all for now! Please do stop in and stroke me if you’re ever nearby.”